Why do people keep spreading such things?
It sounds crystal clear to me, that people saying that have parents best interest in mind. They go:
« If baby has to be held all day long, it will be too hard for parents to handle. They are already exhausted. They need to rest as much as possible. So baby need to be taught to be autonomous earlier.»
But, here is exactly how this is a hopeless idea and other options parents have so both baby’s needs and parent's sanity can be protected. In other words how to soothe a baby when you can’t wear them.
Ok, Good and Bad news ⤵️
I know it feels like making baby non-dependant on the arm to calm down (aka, be autonomous) is the perfect answer: seems simple. But, unfortunately, the answer is way more complex than expected. There are solutions if wearing your baby is too much or even becomes emotionally and physically impossible for you (it’s ok to reach that point too).
But rushing baby autonomy 1. won’t help and 2. won’t work as much as you expect it.
So keep your efforts and energy safe, and bear with me because I will do my best to help you out.
What does science say about this?
First, let me list 4 studies to understand what works and what doesn’t work regarding Baby autonomy.
1. A Primary Need & Animal Reflex
This obsessive way of being held of your baby comes from its animal reflexes and answers a primary need for security. It comes at the same level as eating, getting well-hydrated, being warm, sleeping etc.
— When you understand that, You understand that it really has nothing to do with a “bad habit” of capricious children. But even more than that, it is exactly through security (for example by holding) that the process of autonomy can begin, and not the other way around!
2. It is not something to unlearn.
It was here at the very beginning, and it will go at some point. Also, research in attachment psychology has repeatedly invalidated the idea that “arms” are addictive
— So again, (long story short) holding builds the foundation of independence and autonomy, not the foundation of addiction and capricious child.
3. Autonomy Need slowly rises around 2 months old
GOOD NEWS! This primary-need stage evolves quickly (around 1 - 2 months) to a new range of needs called secondary needs, which includes seeking… Autonomy!
— Meaning what?
YES!
You were right! Your baby CAN be autonomous early enough so you don’t lose your sanity. But,
NO,
Do not lose your cool trying to build “autonomy” before 2 months: the baby’s biology is not ready yet. To unlock “autonomy” you (both) need to master “security” first. So step by step, please, but it's coming sooner than you think!
YES,
When you wondered “It must be something we can do!”, again you were right! “Security” needs can be met in many different ways, that don’t require holding!
4. How to know Baby is ready?
Doing things alone, and exploring become babies’ biggest interest at around 6 months! To be accurate, as soon as the baby can move around (and feels safe enough to move away #secureattachment), the child has no interest in clinging to the adult.
— Ok, that one is my favourite!
This means that one day, your baby will be the one pushing for autonomy from you. And, again, it is sooner than you think!
So why bother spending energy (that you desperately need), fighting against something that Mother Nature and your little one have already got covered for you?
Here are some effective alternatives to holding your baby:
Louise is typing…
While I finish this part, here is a shortcut to my Instagram where I built and shared
Also,
a Downloadable Freebie about that is coming soon.
You will be the first one to know, on my Instagram stories, when it comes out,
So in conclusion: no, reassuring your baby doesn't solely rely on holding them. You and your baby have many other soothing alternatives to explore together. And now you understand your baby craves security and not especially your arm, to find rest and peace, I hope it will open
a new world of confidence and comfort for both of you
For more practical tips and comprehensive guidance on balancing your baby’s needs with your well-being, visit my services on my website www.mummode.co.uk (they are all dedicated to that!).
Remember, you're doing a great job, and help is always available!
コメント